写了一篇雅思作文 希望有高手来指点并打个分 非常感谢

写了一篇雅思作文 希望有高手来指点并打个分 非常感谢
Recently the issue of whether or not accept equal members of male and female students in every suvject has been in the limelight and has aroused wide concern in the public.in this essay,i aim to explore this complicate phenomenon from diverse perspectives,identify the relevant contributing factors and bring up some effectve measures.on a personal note,i am approve of that the students should be seperate as same amount in male and female in every subject.
some people suggest that the man have more creative than woman in some subjects such as methematics.one of dsquieting facts stemming from this is that some woman will give up their right to choice the Science and mathematics Education.this has resulted in the extreme disparity between the male and the female students.however,in my opinion,accepted equal members of male and female in school are very important.
as far as i am concerned,an arry of integrated factors contributing to this complicate phenomenon and here i would explore only a few of the most important ones.The first important reason is the corporation demand all kinds of talents not only for male.Another major important factor is some important suitable work for woman such as secretary.Because the characteristics of woman is more patient than man.And the most frequently stress one is the woman aware satisfaction,so that the manager can stay his employee more easily.
In conclusion,given the factors i have just outlined,it is safe to draw the conclusion that the male and female have same education chance in very subjects are more advantageous and will definitely have great positive influence.

Task 2(议论文)的三方面评分标准是：Arguments,Ideas and Evidence(论证,论点和论据)；Communicative Quality(交流质量)；Vocabulary and Sentence Structure(词汇与句子结构).
Arguments,Ideas and evidence涉及对于议论文的内容要求.具体说来,应该是内容切题,论据合理,论证充分.
而且你的大小写问题,单词拼写问题,给你2分.帮你改了你的错误
Recently the issues of whether or not accept equal members of male and female students in every subject have been in the limelight and have aroused wide concern in the public.In this essay,I aim to explore this complicate phenomenon from diverse perspectives,identify the relevant contributing factors and bring up some effective measures.on a personal note,I am approve of that the students should be separate as same amount in male and female in every subject.
Some people suggest that the man have more creative than woman in some subjects such as mathematics.One of disquieting facts stemming from this is that some woman will give up their right to choice the Science and mathematics Education.This has resulted in the extreme disparity between the male and the female students.However,in my opinion,accepted equal members of male and female in school are very important.
As far as I am concerned,an array of integrated factors contributing to this complicate phenomenon and here I would explore only a few of the most important ones.The first important reason is the corporation demands all kinds of talents not only for male.Another major important factor is some important suitable work for woman such as secretary.Because the characteristics of woman is more patient than man.And the most frequently stress one is the woman aware satisfaction,so that the manager can stay his employee more easily.
In conclusion,given the factors I have just outlined,it is safe to draw the conclusion that the male and female have same education chance in very subjects are more advantageous and will definitely have great positive influence.