英语翻译谁能翻译翻译?我基本一句都听不懂.

英语翻译
谁能翻译翻译?
我基本一句都听不懂.

“Hello,boys and girls ...or whatever.
女士们先生们.或者什么的
　　My name is Captain Jack Sparrow.
　　我是杰克船长
　　I take it some of you have heard of me.As you may well know,there are times — almost constantly,
　　我想你们当中有些人可能听说过我
　　in fact — when I prefer to look at the world through the bottom of a glass.” (holding up a rum bottle) “Rum ...something like this.
　　实际上,我喜欢透过酒瓶底看世界（举起一瓶朗姆酒）比方说朗姆酒、
　　“You may have also heard whisperings and rumors,that Jack Sparrow be recruiting a crew to undertake a voyage to the Fountain of Youth.
　　你也许听到些谣言啊传闻啊什么的,说杰克斯派洛要招募船员去找青春泉.
　　Not true!‘Course not.But even if it weren’t not true,you wouldn’t be interested in joining me,would you,eh?No,thought not.
　　不是真的,当然不是,但就算是真的,你有兴趣加入我们么.
　　“I do admit,that there be varied and substantial dangers along the way,including,but not limited to,zombies,cutthroats,mermaids,and the vicious and vivacious Penelope Cruz.Which is why I’m not going.
　　我得承认,历险的途中有僵尸啊,刽子手啊,美人鱼,还有美丽又邪恶的佩内洛普·克鲁兹.”（这是杰克船长的玩笑,克鲁兹是西班牙大美女,在片中饰演杰克的旧情人.）这就是我不想去的原因
　　No,sir.Impossible to find the place anyway.No one knows where it is,不,先生,总之不可能找到那个地方,没人知道在哪
　　plus I’d have to have a bloody map ...or a bloody Mary ...or both.Which is not a bad idea,
　　加上我必须得有血腥地图.或者血腥玛丽（一种酒）,或者两个都得要,这主意不错!
　　in fact — bloody Mary.
　　噢,血腥玛丽!
　　Bloody Marys all around!It’s on the Mouse.” (as he leaves) “Barman!”
　　血腥玛丽酒可是到处都有,触手可得（起身离开）酒保!
　　（我自己翻译的哈,翻词典都翻了好一会儿,有些单词确实不认识,我还是个初中生哈,翻译的不好请多指教,又,这不是预告片,是迪斯尼给影迷的comic con,具体在一个外文网站上,但我害怕把网址一放上去,就又要拿去审核了.老不显示回答,如果想要私下找我~）