求帮忙估分雅思小作文剑九 TEST 3 task1

求帮忙估分雅思小作文剑九 TEST 3 task1
这是我写的小作文,请考过的同学估分!
The following pie chart shows the proportion of people between 0 to 14 years,15 to 59 years and more than 60 years in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and gives prediction for 2050.
From the statics of year 2000 we can see the population of Yemen is mainly made up of people aging 15 to 59 and 0 to 14 years,accounting respectively for 46.3% and 50.1% with only a small proportion of senior residents,13.6%.In comparison the proportion of 15 to 59 age groups on Italy exceeds that of Yemen by 15%.Also aging people in Italy,2/3 of the national population amount to 8 times that of Yemen.
In 2050 people of 15 to 59 years are expected to reach 57.3% in Yemen with a reduction to 37.0% of among 0 to 14 age groups.The number of seniors will largely remain unchanged.Moving on to the figure of Italy,2050 will see a 15% decrease in 15 to 69 age groups and a noticeable increase of senior people with 3 out of 4 people being more than 60 years old in 2050.The number of children,however,will decline slightly from 14.3% to 11.5%.
To sum up we can see significant structural change taking place in the population in Yemen and Italy in the first 50 years of the 21st century.
6、7、8分的差别在哪

不要用we can see这种主观的句式,总结句写一下由上述数据分析出来的情况而不是图表一眼看去就知道的那种.词汇和句型都不错,6.5差不多.678主要差在语法准确词汇和句型