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新手求雅思高人帮忙批改雅思小作文!也请估一下分.
The chart below illustrated the situation of consumption on different items between 5 european countries in 2002.
Based on the figures shown,a hallmerk which should be noted was that food including drinks and tobacco maintained the largest expenditure from the minimal 15.77% to the maximal 32.14%.Ranting the middle place of the 3 object,clothing and footwear kept in the scope of 5.40% to 9%.The lowest spending which only stand 1.98% to 4.35% was leisure and education.
In accordance with the statistics supplied ,it is manifest that cost in eating and enjoying in Turky(32.14%)which was particularly surpass than any other countries was almost twice as much as the same cost in Italy(16.36%).As for education ,the gap between Trukey(4.35%) and Spain(1.98%) was tiny.There was still approximately 4% disparities before Sweden(5.4%)catch up Italy(9%)while other countries at the average of 6%.
From the analysis given before,a conclusion could be easily drew that the consumption occupied the highest status of budget,which also means education need to gain more attention from the country.
剑7 TEST1 TASK1
The chart below illustrated the situation of consumption on different items between 5 european countries in 2002.
Based on the figures shown,a hallmerk which should be noted was that food including drinks and tobacco maintained the largest expenditure from the minimal 15.77% to the maximal 32.14%.Ranting the middle place of the 3 object,clothing and footwear kept in the scope of 5.40% to 9%.The lowest spending which only stand 1.98% to 4.35% was leisure and education.
In accordance with the statistics supplied ,it is manifest that cost in eating and enjoying in Turky(32.14%)which was particularly surpass than any other countries was almost twice as much as the same cost in Italy(16.36%).As for education ,the gap between Trukey(4.35%) and Spain(1.98%) was tiny.There was still approximately 4% disparities before Sweden(5.4%)catch up Italy(9%)while other countries at the average of 6%.
From the analysis given before,a conclusion could be easily drew that the consumption occupied the highest status of budget,which also means education need to gain more attention from the country.
剑7 TEST1 TASK1
illustrated —— illustrates
between —— among
Based on the figures shown ——Based on the figures / As shown in the chart
food including drinks and tobacco ——food ,drinks and tobacco 是并列关系,不是包含,很明显香烟不是食物
3 object —— objects
The lowest spending which （only stand 1.98% to 4.35%）——was between % and %
was leisure and education.—— was on ...
Turky —— Turkey
which was particularly surpass than any other —— which surpassed any other (surpass是动词,不是形容词)
as much as the same cost in Italy —— as much as和same重复,去掉same
There was【were】 still approximately 4% disparities before Sweden(5.4%)catch【caught】 up Italy(9%)while other countries 【were】 at the average of 6%.
education need ——needed
每段的开头都很机械模版,不太自然,建议不要刻意用不常用的词了,句子也不要过长,因为你的语法hold不住这么长的句子.有些不需要这么长的,故意加长了感觉就是画蛇添足,但是又没说到什么实质的东西,等于废话了,外国人喜欢直接.
时态还需注意,好几处没注意过去时（容易在从句里出错,所以说不要刻意写长句）.
数据分析这个多看看考官范文吧,注意切入点.尤其是总结段.这个我不知道怎么说,自己体会比较重要.
多练习,用简单点直接点的句子把图表的重点和对比表达出来.有几个简单的从句which,很少语法错误,上6就没问题了,尤其是注意基础的语法错误,单复数、时态、词性、固定搭配
克服简单语法错误就可以写点长句了,前提是语法过关.不然作文就是越长错误越多越低分
再问： 谢谢亲，那么中间两段的数据对比和列举的方法上是不是正确的？ 亲有没有什么推荐的写作书目？我现在有点着急写作，最差也要6.5才行。。。
between —— among
Based on the figures shown ——Based on the figures / As shown in the chart
food including drinks and tobacco ——food ,drinks and tobacco 是并列关系,不是包含,很明显香烟不是食物
3 object —— objects
The lowest spending which （only stand 1.98% to 4.35%）——was between % and %
was leisure and education.—— was on ...
Turky —— Turkey
which was particularly surpass than any other —— which surpassed any other (surpass是动词,不是形容词)
as much as the same cost in Italy —— as much as和same重复,去掉same
There was【were】 still approximately 4% disparities before Sweden(5.4%)catch【caught】 up Italy(9%)while other countries 【were】 at the average of 6%.
education need ——needed
每段的开头都很机械模版,不太自然,建议不要刻意用不常用的词了,句子也不要过长,因为你的语法hold不住这么长的句子.有些不需要这么长的,故意加长了感觉就是画蛇添足,但是又没说到什么实质的东西,等于废话了,外国人喜欢直接.
时态还需注意,好几处没注意过去时（容易在从句里出错,所以说不要刻意写长句）.
数据分析这个多看看考官范文吧,注意切入点.尤其是总结段.这个我不知道怎么说,自己体会比较重要.
多练习,用简单点直接点的句子把图表的重点和对比表达出来.有几个简单的从句which,很少语法错误,上6就没问题了,尤其是注意基础的语法错误,单复数、时态、词性、固定搭配
克服简单语法错误就可以写点长句了,前提是语法过关.不然作文就是越长错误越多越低分
再问： 谢谢亲，那么中间两段的数据对比和列举的方法上是不是正确的？ 亲有没有什么推荐的写作书目？我现在有点着急写作，最差也要6.5才行。。。