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找人批改一篇英语短文,英语高手进,急

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找人批改一篇英语短文,英语高手进,急
帮忙看看有没有语法或别的什么的错误.谢谢!
There is an Indian story about a bar of candy that came to see God in Heaven and complained: "Dear God, I am so sweet. I am so nice! I keep the Five Precepts. I meditate all the time." The sugar candy, as you know, it always sits on the table doing nothing. He says he never does harm to anyone. "But anyone, even the ants, the flies -- anyone who comes near me wants to eat me. Why? What have I done? Doesn't the law of karma exist anymore?" Because God says that if you do something bad, if you harm someone, if you are sour, then people will return sourness to you. But if you are sweet to people, if you are nice and you don't do any harm to people, then they will never harm you, right?
So the candy said, "Why me? I am a candy. I am so sweet, and people always eat me and abuse me, why?" And God said, "You better step a little bit further before I answer you." And the candy said, "Why, you don't like me?" God said, "Just do it! Stand away, please!" Hes nearly lost Hiers temper. Oh, Hes shouted very hard, very loud. And the sugar was shaking, thinking that God got angry with him and didn't like him. He said, "M-m-m-y G-g-god, but what did I do?" God said, "You didn't do anything, but if you stay too near, I will also want to eat you!"
Everything in this world has a nature of its own. Some are charming, some are seducing, like the candy, chocolate, the cakes, and some burn everything like fire, as soon as you get near.
请大家都帮我仔细看看啊,这是我从网上找的,要去参加学校英语演讲比赛的。
找人批改一篇英语短文,英语高手进,急
" Hes nearly lost Hiers temper. Oh, Hes shouted very hard, very loud. "怎么突然蹦出这两句子?
这两句话的主语应该是“God”吧,您核对看看.
其他的都没问题.很顺畅哦……只要演讲是注意语气,把该表达的情绪表达出来,肯定是个精彩的故事哦.