神马作文网各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：神马作文网作业帮 分类：综合作业 时间：2024/11/10 19:27:38
各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!
I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an significant cause of inceasing crime rate.
Certainly,violence on screen does have influence on individuals,especially on children,who are easier to simulate violent behaviours when the violence exposed to them .as a result,they may place what they have learnt on their peers ,which probably leads to conflicts and even crimes.
However,the fact is ,most films are labelled to inform the audiences of the likelihood of violence contents.When they are showed in the cinema,children are usually not admitted into the screening room.As for violence programmes on TV,we can simply postpone them late in the evening ,when children have already slept.
I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an significant cause of inceasing crime rate.
Certainly,violence on screen does have influence on individuals,especially on children,who are easier to simulate violent behaviours when the violence exposed to them .as a result,they may place what they have learnt on their peers ,which probably leads to conflicts and even crimes.
However,the fact is ,most films are labelled to inform the audiences of the likelihood of violence contents.When they are showed in the cinema,children are usually not admitted into the screening room.As for violence programmes on TV,we can simply postpone them late in the evening ,when children have already slept.
写的还行啊,多用点linking word吧,感觉用的有点少,缺少logical的感觉
再问： 還有 最後一段。。。 Only in the state does man have a rational existence. The reason why violence programmes have not been droven away is that , not only do they reflect some aspects of our realistic life, watching them also , to some extent, is a great relief to those who are excessively stressful. Without them, some people may commit to suicide and offence.
再答： 我觉得你还缺一段conclusion吧，这一段看着不算conclusion吧，完全就是在写另一方面了啊
再问： 确实还有 一段来着。。。发不上来了。
再问： 還有 最後一段。。。 Only in the state does man have a rational existence. The reason why violence programmes have not been droven away is that , not only do they reflect some aspects of our realistic life, watching them also , to some extent, is a great relief to those who are excessively stressful. Without them, some people may commit to suicide and offence.
再答： 我觉得你还缺一段conclusion吧，这一段看着不算conclusion吧，完全就是在写另一方面了啊
再问： 确实还有 一段来着。。。发不上来了。