神马作文网请问有英语老师帮看高中英语作文吗（谢谢!顺便评一下能得几分）
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：神马作文网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/11/06 06:04:12
请问有英语老师帮看高中英语作文吗（谢谢!顺便评一下能得几分）
下图是呈现在地铁里常见的一幕.请描述此图片并简要谈谈你对这一现象的看法.
作文：
As is vividly shown in the picture,thesubway train is filled with passengers who were watching their mobile phones.Everyone was absorbed in playing phone games.This strange but common phenomenonreveals the fact that most people depend on advanced electronic products extremely.
It’s undeniable that hi-tech productsprovide us with convenience and entertainment.While extreme dependence will doharm to our daily life.In general,most people will inadvertently spend muchmore time on playing phone games than acquiring knowledge or working by phone. Due to that,many health problems will becaused such as nearsighted issue and lack of sleep,which will influence ourwork and life to some degree.In addition,especially when we concentrate on electronicgames in public places,the risk of accidents may be increased greatly.
Given all that,usingelectronic products is not the most suitable way to fulfill our spare time.Asfar as I am concerned,outdoor activity is a good substitute for electronicgames.
以上是我个人写的作文,请热心人提一下建议（语法错误和文章构思等等）!特别是结尾段,请问可以怎样改?
下图是呈现在地铁里常见的一幕.请描述此图片并简要谈谈你对这一现象的看法.
作文：
As is vividly shown in the picture,thesubway train is filled with passengers who were watching their mobile phones.Everyone was absorbed in playing phone games.This strange but common phenomenonreveals the fact that most people depend on advanced electronic products extremely.
It’s undeniable that hi-tech productsprovide us with convenience and entertainment.While extreme dependence will doharm to our daily life.In general,most people will inadvertently spend muchmore time on playing phone games than acquiring knowledge or working by phone. Due to that,many health problems will becaused such as nearsighted issue and lack of sleep,which will influence ourwork and life to some degree.In addition,especially when we concentrate on electronicgames in public places,the risk of accidents may be increased greatly.
Given all that,usingelectronic products is not the most suitable way to fulfill our spare time.Asfar as I am concerned,outdoor activity is a good substitute for electronicgames.
以上是我个人写的作文,请热心人提一下建议（语法错误和文章构思等等）!特别是结尾段,请问可以怎样改?
As is vividly depicted in the picture, and subway trains are filled with passengers to watch their mobile phones. Everyone was so engrossed in play mobile games. This strange and familiar phenomenon depends on the fact that most highly advanced electronics.
Undeniable is that high-tech us convenience and entertainment. And deep dependence will eat into our daily lives. Under normal circumstances, most people will unwittingly spend playing games than to acquire knowledge or working over the phone for a long time. Because of this, many health problems will cause myopia and lack of sleep can affect our life and a degree. In addition, especially when we focus on operation of electronic games in public places, may significantly increased risk of an accident.
In view of all this, so high-tech products are not the most appropriate way to fulfill our spare time. Aspen law as a personal note, outdoor activities are a good alternative to managing electronic game.
再问： 感谢您的帮助！有些改动很出彩例如‘eat into’,但仍想请问一下末段中Aspen law as a personal note, 此句应如何翻译呢？
Undeniable is that high-tech us convenience and entertainment. And deep dependence will eat into our daily lives. Under normal circumstances, most people will unwittingly spend playing games than to acquire knowledge or working over the phone for a long time. Because of this, many health problems will cause myopia and lack of sleep can affect our life and a degree. In addition, especially when we focus on operation of electronic games in public places, may significantly increased risk of an accident.
In view of all this, so high-tech products are not the most appropriate way to fulfill our spare time. Aspen law as a personal note, outdoor activities are a good alternative to managing electronic game.
再问： 感谢您的帮助！有些改动很出彩例如‘eat into’,但仍想请问一下末段中Aspen law as a personal note, 此句应如何翻译呢？