并最好能够给个分数雅思小作文,请大虾们点评一下,The pie charts reveal the fact that

并最好能够给个分数
雅思小作文,请大虾们点评一下,
The pie charts reveal the fact that the percentage of source of electric energy differed in 1970 and 1980.
Coal occupied a comparatively majority of energy in 1970,with nearly half.Nuclear,on the other hand,accounted for the least in 1970,with only 1 percent.12 percent and 16 percent of the energy used to produce electricity were shared by Oil and Hydro respectively.The remaining,approximate one-fifth,was due to Natural Gas.
The year of 1980 witnessed a conversion in the constitution of energy production.Coal in 1980 outpercentaged that in 1970,with a booming of 5 percent.Nuclear must have been paid much attention for it was 10 times more than the origin.On the contrary,the use of Natural Gas and Hydro dropped.Of these two,Natural Gas ebbed more,from 24 percent in 1970 to 15 percent in 1980.There was a creeping down of Hydro in the percentage by 4 percent,leading to 12 percent in 1980.Oil,nonetheless,almost remained stable,with only 1 percent decline.
What is worth mentioning is that the new kind of source,particularly Nuclear,was given full play,whereas the traditional ones,though still dominant,reached their bottleneck to some extent.

基本上不用看图也可以评价你的这篇文.
优点呢,结构很标准,词汇量比较大,句式也比较多变,要点数据也都有提到,变化趋势也有.
但是,也有个别有待改进的地方.
虽然你的词汇比较丰富,也尝试的用了一些大词,也使用了很多不同的短语,但是反而在一些比较基础的词汇上出现了不当使用,当然很少,但是这样一来就非常影响你的分数,因为会给考官造成一种认识：你的文是背的,词汇或短语或句式的使用是为了应付考试生搬硬套的.在背诵和借鉴的过程中--这是必然的过程--尽量要做到自然.
还有就是,在我看来,你的个人推断过多,中间和结尾的,当然这个有点无关紧要.
基本,PART 1 写成这样就可以了,不用花费太多的精力,因为按评分标准来说,PART 1 有6就可以了,重点在PART 2上.