gre作文批改Withoutall those great achievements like computers,ca

gre作文批改
Without
all those great achievements like computers,cars,planes and all those useful
tools where would be humans?Swinging on a tree branch in Africa?
Of course that way we might have an excellent society where we dance and sing
beside the fire.Wait a minute!How are we supposed to dance and sing without
inventing choreography and music?What about fire?How are we supposed to be
assembled together with out the invention of regulation and management?So welfare
and achievements neither can be forgotten in building our society nor in judging
a nation.
Achievements are the things in a country that
leads us to a better future.A well achieved nation should have leading
researches that will change the lives of the next generation and compete with
other nations.For example:The Industrial Revolution led
the whole European countries into their Silver
Age making their lives exceed the Asian
country which once dominated the world for centuries.Without researches and
political support we might be left behind the other nation in the future lose
the well-being state that our citizens are in now.Ancient China used to be the
most powerful country in the would,but during the QING dynasty the empires stop supporting
people to do researches on science which they call voodoo
and nonsense causing china's
innovation and research more than 100 years behind the European countries in
the 19th century.So that a well developed nation
should inspire people to do make progressive achievements in other ways Achievements
is the factor that judges a countries future well-being.
The well-being of the present citizens is the most important thing to
enhance the achievements of the country.Only when the peoples are not starving
or dying of poverty they can start thinking about doing scientific researches that progresses the well-being of the future generations.
For example Soviet Union use to put too much
money in building spaceships that they forgot their citizens dying on the
streets from starvation.It’s is indispensable that
we have a stable society to make big achievements.Scientific researches
don't come with achievements easily; many Nobel price winners took half a
century to delve one problem.To make a country better,present well-beingshould also be taken into account in assessing a country.

总分：86.5
评语：作者词汇基础很好,也能较灵活使用学术词汇,望继续努力；适当增加一些从句的使用,会为文章添彩；文章结构不够严谨,应增加过程性词汇的使用.