神马作文网请改雅思作文的给帮忙评一下这篇作文的分,
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：神马作文网作业帮 分类：综合作业 时间：2024/11/11 03:18:42
请改雅思作文的给帮忙评一下这篇作文的分,
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subjects.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My Answer:
In this day and age,some argue that each subject in university should absorb resemble pecentage of each sexual students.In my opinion,this point of view souds reasonable because of the flowing reasons.
First of all,i deem that education should be fair to all the students whoever is male or female,each unit of them is deserved to get the chance to choose the subjects that he/she cares for.
On the other hand the subjects in the university are not all suitable for each sexual student.In general speaking,some kind of artistic subjects are more fited to female students than male.Likewise ,the girls in university are unlikely to enroll themselves in the lesson which like information technology.Therefore,it suggests that it seems unthinkable every subjects in university can have the same numbers of male and female students.
In conclusion,although every subjects in university do hard to accept the equal enrolment of each sexual students,i still think is imprtance to give freedom to students when they select subjects instead of restricting the sexual numbers of each subject.
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subjects.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
My Answer:
In this day and age,some argue that each subject in university should absorb resemble pecentage of each sexual students.In my opinion,this point of view souds reasonable because of the flowing reasons.
First of all,i deem that education should be fair to all the students whoever is male or female,each unit of them is deserved to get the chance to choose the subjects that he/she cares for.
On the other hand the subjects in the university are not all suitable for each sexual student.In general speaking,some kind of artistic subjects are more fited to female students than male.Likewise ,the girls in university are unlikely to enroll themselves in the lesson which like information technology.Therefore,it suggests that it seems unthinkable every subjects in university can have the same numbers of male and female students.
In conclusion,although every subjects in university do hard to accept the equal enrolment of each sexual students,i still think is imprtance to give freedom to students when they select subjects instead of restricting the sexual numbers of each subject.
我不是老师,上百度的老师少之又少
我给你提个意见吧
就是不必太注重用难词杂词,因为一旦用词不当或者词不达意就很难受.
像你第一段,absorb是吸收,我吸收氧气,吸收水分,或者说知识,才是absorb,用在这里绝对不恰当.典型的想当然地把中文意思带进去了.
再比如,sexual,出现在雅思当中其实更不可取,除非你在谈什么关于性别的问题.这里用gender就好.
内容方面,第二段少了点,还可以加点进去.比如什么数量上一致不等同于机会一致.那个each的句子,你应该另起,不必刻意加长句子,何况你那样没有连词的句子是错误的.
第三段其实并没有很强烈的转折(我才发现其实第一段你其实是在支持这个观点- -所以你要再加点内容进去让感觉更强烈.),不用ontheotherhand.这段写得不错,有例子,比较丰富.这里提一下,结构很重要,所以两段之间的关系你自己先要明确,不能马马虎虎地加个连词上去,结构永远要比措辞重要.
最后一段可以.注意小细节,比如"it is important","when they are selecting".
我给你提个意见吧
就是不必太注重用难词杂词,因为一旦用词不当或者词不达意就很难受.
像你第一段,absorb是吸收,我吸收氧气,吸收水分,或者说知识,才是absorb,用在这里绝对不恰当.典型的想当然地把中文意思带进去了.
再比如,sexual,出现在雅思当中其实更不可取,除非你在谈什么关于性别的问题.这里用gender就好.
内容方面,第二段少了点,还可以加点进去.比如什么数量上一致不等同于机会一致.那个each的句子,你应该另起,不必刻意加长句子,何况你那样没有连词的句子是错误的.
第三段其实并没有很强烈的转折(我才发现其实第一段你其实是在支持这个观点- -所以你要再加点内容进去让感觉更强烈.),不用ontheotherhand.这段写得不错,有例子,比较丰富.这里提一下,结构很重要,所以两段之间的关系你自己先要明确,不能马马虎虎地加个连词上去,结构永远要比措辞重要.
最后一段可以.注意小细节,比如"it is important","when they are selecting".