能力很有限 希望给打个分再说一下一些明显的错误,9号就考试了

能力很有限 希望给打个分再说一下一些明显的错误,9号就考试了
同不同意 一个团队有不同的观点就不会成功
In present-day society,team work plays an in increasingly significant role in achievement.However,we have to face the problem of variety of ideas in our team.Some people ,as the result,oppose that the advantages of team work prevail over its disadvantages.Theoretically,it may be true,but in reality I think different views can be successful as a team.
The primary factory we need to take into consideration is that we can make more definite communication with other in this team and to address some divided ideas .this is because if we hold our idea and think others are weakness,many trouble will ensue .So ,we can fluently change our thought and ask some suggestion with our colleague ,and make one idea that the best .Moreover,every one has their good for things in different fields ,so we would be well-advised to learn some new thing inject into our thought and combine one useful idea .History is filled with example of Abraham Lincoln ,he is a celebrity and well-know in America ,when he in a team ,which army for north of American.He organized army with hundreds and thousands of people ,however,he have not strong hold his ideas in some advised circumstance.
Furthermore,from a success point.it is not essential ingredient part of our companies .on the contrary,the produce is more important .its difficult to say what is success achieve,there have not evidence standard for our things .
I would acknowledge that if we do not more communicate ,there are a lot of conflict with other people .however,when we hold individual’s ideas ,is not necessary to give some consideration to team spirit that is a foundation in their companies or schools .
Having all the arguments above.In my opinion,both from team spirit and achievement perspectives,different view also can achieve success with more understanding and communication in a team,

17-19分间,例子过于普通且缺少数据支持,官方及学术用语偏少,加把油,上23不成为题的!
再问： 谢谢咯！顺便问一下例子什么样得才算好得　我是自学的　之前考过雅思对托福不是很了急
再答： 虽然大家都在骂china daily，但我的数据收集就从上面来的，加一些简写与数据分析方法。你就抓住考官的心了，他们最爱看到考生的学科素养！
再问： 明白了　　就是加点自己或生活中的例子再用些数据支持么？ 谢谢
再答： 差不多，但表姐表妹的例子就别再举了，too old-fashioned.