请问,这篇雅思作文大概多少分?

请问,这篇雅思作文大概多少分?
Advertising discourage peoplefrom becoming different individuals and look the same.do you agree or disagree?
内容：
It is a highly charged issue that whetheror not advertising encourage us to be similar in terms of appearances and
behaviors.To a large extent,I am of the opinion that people are heavily
influenced by advertisements.
Currently,advertisements have a profoundeffect on people lifestyles.By that I mean,advertising significantly develops
individuals' lives into one model.Clearly,advertisements put the latest
cutting-edge technology products in touch with the young target consumers.Then,
the young people would constantly pursue the same and highest technology commodity.
The example of Iphone aptly illustrates this point.Further,advertising
promote the fashion tide in the particular year.Of course the person probably
pursues clothes in similar fashion style which is led by advertisements.In
essence,the fashion industry profit from changing the tide of fashion.In
addition,advertising dramatically develop people’s trust on a special brand.
People are more likely to buy the series’ products as they give a priority of
this brand.As a result,people tend to be same as the advertisements
displayed.
In spite of that,I take the view thathumans have their own desires and abilities to lead their own lives.Although
we share similar clothes and products,the differences among the individuals
are easily realized.
I believe the main concern is thatpractically everyone enjoys modern lifestyle rather than suffers from it.Advertising
are the most efficient and effective approach to introduce latest and best
products to our lives.We,in most cases,are benefited from advertising.Therefore,
it is reasonable that advertising promote us to live in a similar lifestyle.

优点：连词衔接通顺,用词较好.
缺点：开篇较为生硬老套,论证缺乏说服性,较为空洞.
建议：论证更偏向实例,适当增加长句,调整段落比重.
6.