雅思作文批改 最好还能给个分

雅思作文批改 最好还能给个分
目：Discuss the advangtages and disadvantages of studying abroad
非常.....最好帮我估个分数...我一直闷头写也不知道到底写的怎么了,现在小心翼翼拿个刚写出来还热着的--.不用考虑我的自尊心--
Currently,as the influence of global financial crisis,more and more people find it hard to get a decent job.Studying aborad becomes a popular choise for people who worry about it.There are serious doubt about wehteher it is worth to pay great amount money and time to study abroad.This essay will look at the positive and negative of this probem..
First,the disadvantages,part of these students studing abroad are children who just graduated from high school or even elementary schoolthat they are too young to look after themselves.Too many examples are there that young abroad students who copied the bad models to commit crimes and then be sent back home.There are also disadvantages for alduts.They went abroad when they graduated from university or after a period of work,their classmates or colleagues got work experience which are more fit r the market of their own country when they were abroad.They wast both time and money on it.
Although we have saw disadvangtages I think study abroad is still a good idea.Fist,for young people who study abroad,they gain more advantage of language.As we all know,Yoth are better at imitating.The earlier they join in the native language situation the better and easier they get the language,especially spoken language.Besides that,early independence is good for children in communication and social ability.For adults there are also variety of advantages ,the most important is that they get the opportunities to expand their expertise which they can not do in their home country.Also great spoken language ability makes them more competitive.Trip and study to other country can be eye-opening.
As suggested above ,though there is potential dangerouses for children studying abroad,there is great benefits to the growth of them.And aldults also will gain a lot for studing abroad,if they do work hard ,the money and time they pay would be worth.

5.6分 此文章比较中规中矩,模板痕迹不重,高分词汇短语不多
dangerouses->dangerousness,
also will->will also,yoth->youth
choise->choice
there be的单复数根据后面的名词决定 这点在文章中多次用错
worth这个词的用法要搞清才可以用 文章中多次用错
first,the disadvantages.这句话过于口语化 写作需要完整的句子
too many examples are there应改成there are too many examples 这个新东方老师特意强调过
举对成人的缺点时应用现在时而不用过去时
建议：你已掌握基本的写作技巧,但基础薄弱,最好巩固一下单词和语法
附：worth,worthy,worthwhile 区别
1.worth adj&n.值得,应该,作形容词在句中只能作表语
①sb./sth.be worth ...:
His words are worth notice.他的话值得注意.
The bike is worth 200 yuan.
②be (well) worth doing (很)值得做...,注意这个句型是主动表被动的用法,如这本书值得一读
This book is worth reading.
2.worthy adj&n.有价值的,值得...的,做形容词时既可以做表语又可以作定语
①be worthy of +n.
He is worthy of our praise.
②be (quite)worthy of being done (很)值得做...:
The film is worhty of being watched.
③be worthy to be done (很)值得做...,上面的句子可以改写为:
The film is worthy to be watched.
3.worthwhile adj.值得做的..值得出力的,既可以做表语又可以作定语
be worthwhile doing/be worthwhile to do:
It is worthwhile discussing the question again.=It is worthwhile to discuss the question again.