求大神帮改英语作文在批改网上能得90分,下面是82分的.

求大神帮改英语作文在批改网上能得90分,下面是82分的.
The athletes I admire most are Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo who areChinese pair skaters and have won many championships.Their performances havethrilled audiences all over the world and they are now among the top athletesin figure skating and will probably win a medal at the next Olympic Games.
I admire them for manyreasons.First,the beauty and intensity has contributed to the popularity offigure skating in China.In the future many young skaters will follow theirlead.Second,I admire their indomitable spirit.If they fall,they get up andcontinue skating.The most important is that they are hardworking andcourageous.Pair skaters have to be strong skaters and at the same time theymust be in harmony with each other and with the music.Shen Xue and Zhao Hongboare my role models.
Besides Liu Xiang is theathlete I admire most too.He was known by almost all the world because of participatingin the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens.Accordingly,he not only contributed tothe games as a Chinese,but also become a role model in my heart.In 2004Olympic Games he equaled the world record and became the champion of the male110m hurdles competition which is a proud of China.In 2006,he even broke theworld record by running to the finish line in 12' 88.At that time he becamethe centre of a media concern again.
I admire Liu Xiang not onlybecause of his records,but also his confidence and excellent quality.On theone hand He represents the sport spirit of China--we can win the champion,sodon't look down on us.On the other hand Liu Xiang holds an opinion that a goodrecord isn't his end and he can run faster.It proves he never give up pursuinghis dream.I like this quality and whenever I slack off I will use it to remindmyself.
Liu Xiang has said,"For some players,it's just a job.For me,it's what I love." In fact Ilove these words very much and want to share with you.In my opinion,choosingthe job what you like is very important,only in this way can you enjoy yourlife and done a good job.

你的问题有这么几点：1.看的出你把中文翻译的较直接,不地道,有点chinglish的味道
2.文章中有较多语法和用法的错误
3.文章不优美,略生硬
4.你一定要记住如果写文章是有不会的词语千万不要去查然后抄上,除非
你弄得很明白了.因为有些词用起来会看着奇怪,你的文章这种现象还
比较明显.
5.逻辑有些乱,不通顺,例如第二段最后一句话“Shen Xue and Zhao
Hongbo are my role models.”这句话前后并没有解释原因或者和它有关的
东西,这就不太合理.
6.我猜你的作文题目是我最喜欢的运动员,那么就只写一个,像申雪和赵
宏博是组合这种可以,但不太好写,容易出错,但如果写了就不要再写
刘翔了.如果字数不够要再详细一些.比如：申雪赵宏博的精神让你学到
了什么?也可以从他们的精神联系到中国人的精神－－自强不息.都可
以.
7.你有一个挺严重的问题就是结尾没有扣题,结尾一定要另起一段总结加
扣题.以下我帮你简单改了一下前两段,也不一定就好了,但是我说的
point你还是可以借鉴一下的.祝这位学弟或学妹加油～～
Speaking of the athletes I admire most , no pair will be more attractive than Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo.They are the most popular partners and couples in the field of figure skating all over China even all over the world.In spite of the great number of prizes they possess and the perfect performances that shocked everyone, only a little movement they show makes me exciting and respectful.
They are brave and indomitable for so many times they have come to troubles but never given up,and even never thought of it.They are the most strongest people that every difficulties have no way to knock them down.Pain,heart-breaking,stagnating...Those can only make them more firm and tough.This ability to preservere despite obstacles and setbacks is the quality people most admire,so they are my role models as well as others'.The beauty and intensity reveals from them seems to tell the story about them and exerts a great sense of fascination on people.
再问： 非常感谢你的回答，很感动你认真的写了，但是我拿去句酷网上测试了一下还是70多分，一直达不到85分以上，好伤心。。。
再答： 你确定那个网站可信吗？它的评分标准是什么
再问： 可信吧，大学学生都去这个网站提交作文作业，老师要求的，句酷批改网
再答： 那就不知道了。水平不行，请见谅