请求修改语法作文,有点长希望修改所有语法问题I am an advisor at Coast Community Col

请求修改语法
作文,有点长希望修改所有语法问题
I am an advisor at Coast Community College,and Thomas Tsai it’s a new student of our college.His family came to American when he was seven years old,so he went to school mostly in America and knows more about American culture than Chinese culture.He really likes China,although he did not born there.Chiefly,he is majoring in business accounting and plans to transfer to Coast State University after two years.That’s why he has a heavy course load this semester and feels stressed out.In addition,Thomas also works at their family-owned book and stationery for ten to fifteen hours per week and his help is the most important in keep the store business.Not only to figuring out which item it’s popular,but also when should be ordered.His dream is to take over the store one day that he can enable his parents to retire.Unfortunately,He wasn’t interest in Math in high school and this class is his least favorite class.In my opinion,He should find the class that he really enjoyed in the college.This is Thomas’ first semester of our college,that he needs more time to find out which class is useful for his future and which one should drop.After summarized his situation,I strongly recommended him to drop Math class for this semester,because Thomas needs to learn more things successfully,slowly and adeptly.
First of all,Thomas should definitely keep Chinese Immigration to California,for he is felt comfortably to learn History and he likes it so much.There are many advantages than disadvantages for this class.Certainly,Ms.Wu,it's a patiently teacher.A good teacher always let his students get encouraged and let the students fell more comfortably.Thomas has heard that student who took his class got a great improvement of writing skills.That is really what he wants to learn.He has a strongly close tie to China inside heart.Additionally,a girl he met in Introduction of Accounting told him that this history class really helped her,because she these statements she wrote for Ms.Wu strengthen her learning abilities.For more details,Ms.Wu graded her students strictly.This class requires him to do two research papers.Thomas probably can find more interesting things about China in the research.Each material that he will do in the class it's helpful to his future,because Thomas insists to have a bright future.I have got hunch he would learn more useful knowledge of history in this class.However,there is only one disadvantage for him to keep this class.This class is not required for his graduation,while History class will not help him anything for his major.In my opinion,I have the responsibility to help him establish confidence for studying.I believe that find out what is your interest it's the most important things for a new college student.To sum up,History class is Thomas favorite class,and this class will let him spread his eyes to learn more knowledge
For conclusion,the first semester of a community college it’s very important,yet students usually don’t know how to choose their major and specific classes.Intermediate Math can support Thomas major learning and improve his math skills,but it also wastes too much time and energy.That's the reason for why Thomas awarded he is overcommitted.I believe that Thomas will know which major is his favorite after this semester.These skills he learned will give him successfully college life.Nothing in the world is too hard to do if we set our minds on it
追加分为100 要是改的好

楼上那位也挺辛苦的,不过他改完以后还是有不少错的没改出来,还有几处对的被改成错的了.
第一段第一行 Thomas后面应为is而不是it's.另外,说某人是某地的新生,通常不用of,根据习惯会使用to或直接说someone's new/fresh.如he's new here.he's new to our company.如果不是用to,也不要用of,而应用at.he's new at our college.
第一段第四行：born的原型是bear.如果你一定要使用did not,就应为he did not bear there,而不是did not born there.如果你想使用born,就应该是he was not born there.
紧接着仍然是第一段第四行：chiefly使用没错,但是按照习惯极少放在句首.没有语法错误,但是会给人很奇怪的感觉,最好还是放在句中.he is chiefly major in...
第一段第六行：主语是thomas,所以应该是his family-owned,而不是their.另外通常人们说family run,而不是family owned.因为拥有并不一定会经营,这里你可能是为了强调thomas在家族经营的store花费了时间,显然他是参与经营的,所以用run更为合适.
第一段第八行：keep改为keeping,store可以删去,因为很明显看出来肯定是store,直接说business就可以了.加上store不仅累赘,感觉也很奇怪.
紧接着Not only to figuring out which item it’s popular, but also when should be ordered.这句话缺少主语.且figuring应为figure.另外进货肯定不止一个,应该是用复数.综合一下可以改为：He has figure out both which items are popular and when they should be ordered.
紧接着His dream is to take over the store one day that he can enable his parents to retire.that应该改成so that,enable更强调赋予某人某种权力/能力,它强调的是由上至下的赐给,用在父母身上不太合适.此句应该为：His dream is to take over the store one day so that his parents would/will(都可以) be able to retire.
下面一行he wasn't interest改为he wasn't interested.
第一段倒数第五行He should find the class that he really enjoyed in the college. enjoyed应该为enjoys.
This is Thomas’ first semester of our college, that he needs more time to find out which class is useful for his future and which one should drop. Thomas'应该为Thomas's.因为Thomas的s是人名的最后一个字母,不表示复数,所以'后的s不可省略.first semester of our college应该为first semester at our college.of是错的.第一个逗号后面的that改成so.
第一段最后：because Thomas needs to learn more things successfully, slowly and adeptly.最后三个词顺序不对.并列词永远应该按重要程度递进.所以应该是slowly, adeptly and successfully.
第二段开始：he is felt comfortably to learn History and he likes it so much改为he feels/felt（根据你说的时间是否已过去） comfortable to learn history（H没必要大写,即使是科目名称也不需要大写）and likes it very much/a lot（此处用so much既不符合英语国家使用习惯,也让人感觉很奇怪）.
There are many advantages than disadvantages for this class.显得罗嗦.首先many应换成more.其次advantage和disadvantage看起来好麻烦,可以换成there are more pros than cons for it.没必要正正规规地把this class摆出来,显得罗嗦了.
Certainly, Ms. Wu, it's a patiently teacher. A good teacher always let his students get encouraged and let the students fell more comfortably. 首先,没来由冒出一个certainly,让人有点莫名其妙.考虑一下删掉好了.另外,这句话整个就是错的,应该是Wu is a patient teacher.我没有打Mr/Ms,因为我不知道你到底是前面的Ms打错了还是后面的his打错了.（汗）你的his和Ms在这里都用了好几个,以致我分不清此人是男是女,所以你最好自己检查一下吧.然后fell more comfortably应该为feel more comfortable.结合前面一个同样的错误来看,你可能对feel后面形容词和副词的使用搞得不太清楚.
Thomas has heard that student who took his class got a great improvement of writing skills.student改为复数,students.另外got a great improvement应该为made great improvement in writing.你文章中的句子显得有些不伦不类了,a最好删掉,of完全是错误的.
He has a strongly close tie to China inside heart.inside heart是中国式英语,反正我在国外长大从没听人这么说过.只有at the bottom of someone's heart之类的说法.可以改成inside him,意思是一样的.
接下来一行： a girl he met in Introduction of Accounting中in应该改成at.in the meeting是会议进行时发生了与开会有关的东西,在会议上遇见某人应该是meet someone at the meeting.同一句中because she these statements she wrote for Ms. Wu strengthen her learning abilities.because后面的she应删掉（不过我估计这个不是你的错误,是你打的时候没注意,一不小心多打的）,strengthen应该为strengthened.另外我不太清楚你写的these statements she wrote for Ms.Wu到底是想表达什么意思捏,很混乱,所以我猜不出来.但是如果我想的意思没错的话,for应该换成to.
Ms. Wu graded her students strictly中graded应该改成grades.因为这是个长时间的习惯,而不是过去打分严厉,现在宽松.
Each material that he will do in the class it's helpful to his future中it's改成is.because Thomas insists to have a bright future.这句话意思也太奇怪了.我不知道你是不是有意用的insist,但是这么翻译的话就是“因为他坚持一定要有一个远大前程”.第一,这两句话里根本就没有严格的因果关系；第二,怎么让人觉得有点想做上帝的意思?如果一定要这句话,就改成for Thomas desires for a great future.
I have got hunch he would learn more useful knowledge of history in this class.应改成I have got the hunch that he would get more history knowledge in this class.原句既拖沓又有歧义.
However,there is only one disadvantage for him to keep this class.要么删掉However,要么删掉only,否则就是错的.
while History class再一次,H没必要大写.
In my opinion, I have the responsibility to help him establish confidence for studying.首先,删掉in my opinion.in my opinion用于辩论、讨论、可以商议的论点,而不是随便什么情况都可以使用.studying改为study.study直接可以作名词,学业,不需要加ing.
I believe that find out what is your interest it's the most important things for a new college student.find改为finding或者to find都可以.what is your interest应该为what your interest is.it's 改为is.things改为thing.
history class is Thomas favorite class中,Thomas改为Thomas's. and this class will let him spread his eyes to learn more knowledge 一般不说learn more knowledge,太奇怪了.改成learn more就可以了.或者learn more things或者acknowledge more也可以.
the first semester of a community college it’s very important中it's换成is.（本文中非常多这个毛病）
Intermediate Math can support Thomas major learning and improve his math skills中Thomas换成Thomas's,math skills换成mathematical skills.
That's the reason for why Thomas awarded he is overcommitted.首先,overcommitted使用不当,这个单词表示过分受到束缚,不是因为外界压力,而是受到家人之类管束的束缚.当它用于负担过重时,通常用于物品和体力上的劳动力,而不是脑力劳动.其次,award使用不当,award可以作颁奖和裁决,决定.但是award做决定的时候通常指法律上的决定,与法律条文和法庭有关,不是个人决定.另外删去for.最后,前后动词时态一致,he is应为he was.所以这句话可以改为：That's why Thomas felt/decided/claimed（这几个意思都可以,你自己选一个吧）that he was overloaded.
These skills he learned will give him successfully college life.learned应换成learn（长时间持续）或者is going to learn（表示即将）,因为从信中看,这个学期尚未结束,显然不可能是过去式.successfully换成successful.
正确与否你就放心,我由于生长环境的缘故,接触英语在中文之前,所以肯定不会有错.