★【求】★【托福作文】批改★ 请高手帮我看看习作

★【求】★【托福作文】批改★ 请高手帮我看看习作
2009.9.19NA+2010.1.22NAIt's more important for the government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
I mainly agree the statement that spending money on art museums and music performance center is more important than on recreational facilities.Though,recreational facilities are necessary part of public life,needing government spare no effort to support.Taking all factors into consideration,the program with development of art museums and music performance center afford deserves prior attention.
First and foremost,contrary to recreational facility ,people in our country are more attentive to constructions of art and music.Since the government works at basic entertainment for a long time ,high-class cultural industry is always ignored.According to a recent poll,people in an increasing number wish that there are more art centers such as music performance center and film center in their city to enrich their sparetime life and promote their grade of culture-ponderation.while another survey really shows a unsatisfying fact that the current condition is far from enough to meet the growing demand for people .Only if government puts more money in art museums and music centers ,the common people can enjoy quality and refined life.
Further,the policy that the government build more art museums and music performance centers would offer more employment opportunities for local people.Since a work of building new needs much labour.Different kinds of positions such as engineer ,architect and even artist ,would be offered .Moreover,with rapidly growing population ,more and more people fail to find a fit works in an increasing competitive job market.In this way ,a lot of people who do not have jobs or whose jobs are not suitable for themselves many find a high salary or interesting jobs in this chance.However,it is not possible for basic installations such as swimming pool to offer enough jobs for local people because of a small operation scale.
In attention to what I mention above,to a certain extent,art museums and music centers also represent national power and culture.This is because the governments would spend enough money on cultural field only if countries are rich and flourisheding enough.Look around the world ,it is not hard to discover that developed countries usually spend large sum of money to build and maintain their museums .But recreation facility can not take the same effect.
In brief,all the evidence I mention above points out my conclusion that advantage of building art museums and music centers would have a more profound and meaning impact than basic installation.

你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下.我已经体验了好几篇粗批作文了,感觉老是给批改的确实很好,还会提出改进建议.但是我由于是考GRE的AW,实在是对自己的作文水平没有信心.