明天要开圣诞晚会,大家提供一些英语笑话和绕口令啊

明天要开圣诞晚会,大家提供一些英语笑话和绕口令啊
明天晚上要在班里开圣诞晚会,大家给我一些英语的笑话或者是绕口令吧?要幽默一点的啊,不要冷笑话~

英语幽默版三字经
人之初：At the begining of life.
性本善：Sex is good.
性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.
习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教：If you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁：Sex will leave you..
教之道：The way of learning it
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.
昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.
子不学：If you don't study hard,
断机杼：Your Dick will become useless.
窦燕山 Dou, the Famous
有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 All his five son took it
名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.
养不教 If your children don't know how to do it,
父之过 It is all your fault.
教不严 If they had lots of problems with it,
师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.
子不学 You may refuse to study this
非所宜 but that is a real mistake
幼不学 If you don't learn it in childhood,
老何为 you will lose your ability when aged
玉不琢 If you don't exercise your dick,
不成器 It won't become hard and strong.
人不学 If you don't learn sex,
不知义 You can by no means enjoy its sweetness

笑话：
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."