神马作文网写了一篇六级作文,大神帮忙看看能得几分,改改错误
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：神马作文网作业帮 分类：综合作业 时间：2024/11/10 18:56:40
写了一篇六级作文,大神帮忙看看能得几分,改改错误
题目：should parents send their kids to Artclasses ?（30分满分大概能的几分）
When it comes to should parents send theirkids to Art classes,”Interesting is the best teacher ,”notes Dr.Ellen,a 47-year-oldsociology professor at Fudan University. Talking to this phenomenon,manyopinion vary.
Some tend to claim that children can learnmore knowledge without school class and make their sparetime life colorfully.
Others,however,may argue that kids havework hard per day,who want to relax theirselves.
To which I say,children have a various ofidea who are difference.they feel bored in weekend that can join in Art classeswith their parents expect,but other kids are not interested in art who want tohave a rest.I order that different people have a different way.
题目：should parents send their kids to Artclasses ?（30分满分大概能的几分）
When it comes to should parents send theirkids to Art classes,”Interesting is the best teacher ,”notes Dr.Ellen,a 47-year-oldsociology professor at Fudan University. Talking to this phenomenon,manyopinion vary.
Some tend to claim that children can learnmore knowledge without school class and make their sparetime life colorfully.
Others,however,may argue that kids havework hard per day,who want to relax theirselves.
To which I say,children have a various ofidea who are difference.they feel bored in weekend that can join in Art classeswith their parents expect,but other kids are not interested in art who want tohave a rest.I order that different people have a different way.
我只做了字面上的改动,改了一些实在看不过去的语法、短语和错词.
When it comes to whether parents should send their kids to Art classes,”Interest is the best teacher ,” said Dr.Ellen,a 47-year-oldsociology professor at Fudan University.There are several opinions varying upon this topic.
Some tend to claim that children can learn more knowledge outside school and make their spare time colorful.
Others,however,may argue that kids have heavy works every day.
For me,children have various ideas.Some of them feel bored in weekends so that they can join in Art classes,meeing their parents' expects,but other kids who are not interested in art just want a rest.In summary,different people have different ways.
文章结构上,
第二段是表达肯定意见,而你的用句太委婉,至少应该在后面加一句”所以应该送孩子去艺教“阐明段意.而且太短了,最好展开说明,比如孩子在艺教增长了怎样的知识.
第三段的建议同上.
第四段表达你的观点.你的意思表达出来了,但是没有有力的总结.请记住应该用这样的话来明确说明你的观点：”我认为是否送孩子去艺教,取决于孩子本身的兴趣和选择,应该尊重孩子的意愿“.
至于多少分嘛,我没什么概念,听说六级作文大部分人差不多都是一个分.但你至少要达到字数要求.
When it comes to whether parents should send their kids to Art classes,”Interest is the best teacher ,” said Dr.Ellen,a 47-year-oldsociology professor at Fudan University.There are several opinions varying upon this topic.
Some tend to claim that children can learn more knowledge outside school and make their spare time colorful.
Others,however,may argue that kids have heavy works every day.
For me,children have various ideas.Some of them feel bored in weekends so that they can join in Art classes,meeing their parents' expects,but other kids who are not interested in art just want a rest.In summary,different people have different ways.
文章结构上,
第二段是表达肯定意见,而你的用句太委婉,至少应该在后面加一句”所以应该送孩子去艺教“阐明段意.而且太短了,最好展开说明,比如孩子在艺教增长了怎样的知识.
第三段的建议同上.
第四段表达你的观点.你的意思表达出来了,但是没有有力的总结.请记住应该用这样的话来明确说明你的观点：”我认为是否送孩子去艺教,取决于孩子本身的兴趣和选择,应该尊重孩子的意愿“.
至于多少分嘛,我没什么概念,听说六级作文大部分人差不多都是一个分.但你至少要达到字数要求.
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