雅思作文打分Some people think that with the computer and Internet

雅思作文打分
Some people think that with the computer and Internet students can learn at home without going to school.But others believe students can learn more effectively with teachers at school.Discuss on both sides and give your own opinion.
It is debated whether by using the computer and the Internet to study at home will show more advantages than learning with teachers at school.In my opinion,this complex phenomenon can be boiled down to several key factors,and both its positive and negative aspects need to be analyzed thoroughly.
To begin with,in order to save time is an underlying factor in the growing popularity of online study.As an enormous amount of time should be put emphasis on study rather than waste on people's way to school,humans continously invent the online educational websites or softwares to make up this problem.Therefore,a wide variety of softwares,which are designed for all walks of life prosper at such a staggering speed.
To a large extent,an increasing number of curriculums are provided to students studying at home,offering not only language lessons designed for each level,but also art lessons which can enrich our daily life.In addition,time is depend on individuals.Whenever you are available,you can begin the lesson or if something confused you while learning,countless opportunities are offered to you to use it again and again until you understand.
Admittedly,it is rather helpful but it still have dark side.However,students studying at home are deprived of their basic rights to communicate with teachers,which will be harmful to students' development of psychology as well as morals.On the contrary,if students and teachers develop better relationship which may improve students' attitude towards life,study,family and so forth.
In conclusion,compared with studying at home or at school,I prefer learning with teachers.From my point of view,only studying with teachers can wo learn from teachers'deeds and words more than knowledge.(能得几分?给点建议...)

先来说说没写好的地方.
开头用whether时记住句型是whether...or.用whether...than..感觉很不自然.而且,你用by using...做了主语,语法错误.这样看,你写的是...by using...will show more advantages...没主语,对吧?所以该是...whether using the computer and the Internet to study at home or learning with teachers will show more advantages.
第二段同样没主语.原文in order to save time不是主语.该是to save time.接着,rather than being wasted.其一rather是介词,其二time是被wasted,不是主动waste.Humans最好改成human beings,因为你这里不是做关于humans的学术研究,有区别,但国内教材很少讲过.段尾应该是...all walks of life,prosper...中间的短句起修饰,必须用逗号在两头隔开,否则意思不明确,只有读者读完后才能猜到逗号的位置.
接下来,curriculums在非学术性或科研杂志里可以用.但在研究语言,像雅思中,必须更严谨,要用curricula.然后provided to students to study比较自然.接着,time is dependent on...因为is后面要接形容词,depend是动词.接着,if something confuses you...时态要一致,不能突然换成过去时,即使当成是虚拟词的用法也讲不通.
下一段,have a dark side.side可数.最后一句中if和which连用导致原句没主体.应把if删掉.比如...on the contrary,students and teachers may develop better relationship which may.
最后一段的最后一句我没读懂.一没主语,二什么是wo?
总的来说这篇比中国学生的平均水平高,没有乱用自造词,不错.句型、语法错误也不严重.6分没问题.结构方面注意基本句型不要错.要想得分还要在内容方面下功夫.给你几个待讨论的问题思考：
Is it necessarily true that students at school will definitely perform better than their counterparts learning at home,given the fact that there have been countless drop-outs at all levels?
For those people arguing for the computers and the Internet,haven't they just assumed that every household has accessibility to computers and the Web,what about those students with financial constraints?If this is true,won't this lead to the increased pressure on the less wealthy families?How about the social discontent resulting from this?
It is also a fact that prestigious universities like MIT are web-casting their lectures,an example of which will be the iTunes-U.Therefore,are these universities compensating the effectiveness of education for the debatable convenience?
以上问题你只要能在文章中回答一半就能拿90%以上的内容分了.