雅思作文求教,批改~TOPIC：In some countries the average weight of peop

雅思作文求教,批改~
TOPIC：In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
For decades,losing weight keeps being a hot issue among people.This popular phrase indicates a serious problem that bothers people of contemporary society,there are putting on weight and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
The problem is not hard to explain.Two major causes are too much high-calorie food and lack of exercise.
The rapid pace of modern life imposes people to choose snacks and fast food,which are thought to be quick,convenient and also,unhealthy.Those seemingly delicious foods,however,provide us few nutrition but a lot of fat.What's more people never have time and energy for regular exercise after a busy day.
According to some researchers,lack of sleep also compose the reason for obesity,because while a man is sleeping he will consume a large amount of calories.
Given the apparent causes,we will find the solutions to this trouble of weight and health.
Firstly,sport is always a good choice which will build up body as well as create fun.Some business man may argue about the lack of time,to whom I would suggest walking to work,a healthy and environmentally friendly method,considering the terrible air pollution caused by cars.
Secondly,those who are keens on sugar and high-calorie food might have to make a sacrifice.However,a diet does not mean abandoning any carbohydrate.Priority to vegetables and fruits just make a difference.
Finally,a balanced lifestyle involves not only diets but also many other aspects,for instance,getting enough sleep and keeping in a good mood.From my point of view,take care of your body and it won't find fault with you.

[This popular phrase indicates a serious problem that bothers people of contemporary society,there are putting on weight and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.]
This popular phrase indicates a serious problem that people in contemporary society are putting on weight on themselves while their levels of health are undermined.
[Two major causes are too much high-calorie food and lack of exercise.]
I think two factors contribute to this phenomenom.The first is too much high-calorie food intake and lack of exercise.
[Those seemingly delicious foods] food...
[provide us few nutrition but a lot of fat] provide us with few nutrition but a lot of fat
[ According to some researchers,lack of sleep also compose the reason for obesity,because while a man is sleeping he will consume a large amount of calories.] compose用得不对..还不如说is呢.because用得不对,前面应该没有逗号.
[Secondly,those who are keens on sugar and high-calorie food might have to make a sacrifice.] are keen on 固定搭配
说理蛮清楚,语法错误太多.6分左右.