英语六级作文,请各位大侠看看有什么语法上的问题伐?living with parents after graduatio

英语六级作文,请各位大侠看看有什么语法上的问题伐?living with parents after graduation
Every year,there are a lot of graduates coming to the current society.Some of them are willing to strive for their better life by themselves,but now more and more graduates choose to live together with their parents.
The reason for this strange phenomenon is obvious.Firstly,both the high price of housing and the stress of work are the biggest factor.Graduates can't afford an apartment or rent it with so little wage,and they are too busy to have enough time to make supper.On the other hand,students ,in current life ,are lack of some ambition,comparing to our parents.last ,these reason lead them to living with their parents.
In my view .I think a lot of thing are doomed ,beyond our control ,such as the background of our family ,parent's estate,and everyone is living in a diferent surrounding.So ,parents can't claim their children to live by themselves,but must urge kids to strive .

1.coming to the current society 中式英文
2.are willing to 改用 would like to 较好,their better life 改成 the better life
3.but now 这里前后文的逻辑没有转折的意思,不应该用but
4.The reason...is obvious.后文中不止一个原因,这里应用复数
5.price 改用 cost,费用和压力最好选一个作为最大的因素,如果两个都要就说是两大主要原因
6.too busy to make supper 与have enough time to make语意重复,用其中一种就可以了,too busy to cook by themselves.
7.our最好不要用第一人称,用their
8.不要用last,中式英语,总结那句也是中式英语,可以换一种说法
9.thing are,要用复数
10.claim用ask for 较好,urge用encourage较好
最后一段基本是中式英语,不是语法问题,是英语语感及语序问题（个人意见）
再问： 恩，谢了 这里 coming to the current society 直接改成 walking into the current society In my view .I think a lot of thing, such as family's background ,parent's estate,are doomed and everyone has their own character, for they live in diferent surroundings.So ,parents can't ask for their children to live alone by themselves,but must urge kids to strive for better life.这样稍微好点没，
再答： 1.不是用come或walk的问题，我想你的中文应该是想说大学生开始踏入社会，但用英语不要这样直译，这个用英语要换个说法 2.in my view和i think都是“我认为”，二者选一，a lot of +名词复数 things，parent's estate 你是指父母的财产吗？ In my view, a lot of things are doomed, such as family's background and parent's estate. Everyone has his or her own characteristic for different living surroundings. 这里我断成两句，但是我不明白这两名跟你后面的总结的逻辑意思。 3.不用so用therefore，不好意思，这里单用ask就可以了，不用加for，can't是 不可以，must是 一定，这样写太过绝对，改用shouldn't 不应该和could 可以 较好。