求经典英语对白台词,要搞笑一点的,我们要排话剧,马上要报节目了,

求经典英语对白台词,要搞笑一点的,我们要排话剧,马上要报节目了,
我们要排英语话剧

中文部分是翻译,正文在下面啊!
A(衣衫褴褛） B（衣着光鲜） C小花 E椅子 F新闻记者
B坐在E上吃东西,A一乞丐上前
A：先生,先生,请给我些面包,我饿得不行了.
B：（厌恶）让开,让开.（然后便起身离开,这时他的钱包掉到E上头了）
A：先生,先生（A看见后,立即拾起,追上了走远的B）
B：让开,让开啊,我没吃的了,也没钱了（看也不看A,仍自顾自地走了）
C：他真愚蠢啊
A：可……先生……您听我说……（仍拉着B衣服的后摆）
B：挖,你这人怎么这么讨厌!（还是没有回头看A一眼）
C：椅子啊,你会不会觉得刚刚坐在你身上的人特愚蠢?
E：唉,人总是这么愚蠢啊~
与此同时A与B还在纠缠,这时E终于隐忍不住爆发了.
E：先生!你的钱包丢了!你怎么这么傻啊.
A与B同时回头,看见了那会说话的椅子E,吓昏过去了.这一幕恰巧被经过的F看见了.于是F就报道了这一事件.
F：大家好,我是新闻记者F,今天我看见了一个奇异的现象,一个椅子说话了,两个人被吓昏了,下面我将采访一下被吓昏的两个人.
B：哦,上帝,哦,妈妈.
F：这个人傻了,我们不鸟他了,下面我采访一下另一个人吧,请问你为什么不告诉他,他的钱包丢了?
A：对不起,我不知道“钱包”这个单词怎么讲……
F：通过这一事件,我们可以认识到,掌握一门外语的重要性,以及金钱给人类带来的影响.是吗,椅子?
E：是啊,是啊（E傻傻地拼命点头）
C：唉,人可真愚蠢,椅子也被他们弄傻了.
A:sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I'm hungry to die.
B:get away,get away,dirty man.
A:sir,sir!
B:run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don't have money,either.
C:hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn't he?
A:but.sir.please listen to me.
B:wa,why are you so disgusting!
C:hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.
E:ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.
E:sir!you lost your wallet!can't you be more clever?
F:good morning,everybody.I'm a jonrnist F.Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint.now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.
B:wo,my god,wo,my,mum.
F:I'm sorry to tell you this man has been mad.we needn't take notice of him.let me interview the other man,hello,man,can you tell men why didn't you tell him he lost his wallet?
A:I'm sorry,I don't know how to speak "钱包" in english.
F:dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us.is that all right,chair?
E:yes,yes.
C:ai,men is so silly.