希望高手能批改作文!标题：leisure is a growing industry,but people no lon

希望高手能批改作文!
标题：leisure is a growing industry,but people no longer entertain themself as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative
作文：with the development of modern technology,the way of entertainment people like appearance diversity.many people are prefer to modern leisure way than before they used to,it caused some people skeptical that leisure way of modern has made them less creative.i will express my opinion about this viewpoint.
I tend to agree this viewpoint that people might less creativity if they entertained themself use of modern high-tech.in the past,individuals adopted way of entertainment were very social,such as,they like to tea house,or to theater to watch performances,these activities made people meet together frequently,it conduced people to exchange their minds and thoughts,through communication and enlighten,it make easy for people to create more new ideas,for example,there are many kind of local traditional art forms and games,they were invented and very simple at beginning by our ancestor,but with time pass,people continues created and make them enrich.
however,modern technology has changed the way of entertainment people used to.more and more people like surfing on the internet,as well as play computer game and so on.these activities are major done by individual rather than groups.they spent a lot of times alone instead of together with their friends,even their family members.All it laed to people lack of communication,lak of opportunities of exchange minds,gradually lost the drive force for creativity.for instance,some companies are reply on sold their ideas to earn money,many young parents does not even want to name their newborn baby,they willing spend money to buy ideas.the phenomnon reflected that modern technology is main cause to made people less creative.
i personal think that government should take some effective measure to correct it.government should advocate people to spend more time to take part in social activities,educate them how to rely on modern technology support and help to create more new ideas and new thoughts,make oldstyle entertainment combine with modern technology well,not only enrich people spiritual life,it also stimulate their creativity ability

"文章没有完全切题,题目不是让讨论是不是高科技的使用使人们没有创造力,而是高科技的使用使人们创造力降低让人们在娱乐的时候不能尽兴.基本功很弱,但能看出你的努力!如果想短期提高,要把各类型的范文背一背,同时也要必须过基本的语法关.目前是5-5.5分
with the development of modern technology,the way of entertainment people like appearance diversity没有谓语无法理解,可以改成 ways of entertainment people favor appear diverse.many people are/去掉 prefer to modern leisure way than before/去掉 they used to 加 like,it caused/make some people skeptical that leisure way of modern has made them less creative.i will express my opinion about this viewpoint.这句话很不合适,要去掉,或还成 I will discuss the both sides of the view
I tend to agree this viewpoint that people might 加have less creativity if they entertained themself 加 by use of modern high-tech.in the past,individuals adopted way of entertainment were very social/ entertainment ways individuals adopt are social,such as,they like to tea house,or to theater to watch performances,these activities made/make people meet together frequently,it conduced people to exchange their minds and thoughts,through communication and enlighten/enlightening ,it make easy for people to create more new ideas,for example,there are many kind of local traditional art forms and games,they were invented and very simple at beginning by our ancestor,but with/as time pass/passes,people continues created/无法理解 and make them enrich/rich in entertainment.
however,modern technology has changed the way of entertainment people used to 加 adopt.more and more people like surfing on the internet,as well as play computer game and so on.these activities are major/mostly done by individual rather than groups.they spent a lot of times/time alone instead of together with their friends,even their family members.All/in all it laed/lead to people /加to lack of communication,lak of opportunities of exchange minds,gradually lost/lose the drive force for creativity.for instance,some companies are /去掉reply on sold/selling their ideas to earn money,many young parents does/do not even want to name their newborn baby,they 加are willing spend money to buy ideas.the phenomnon reflected/reflect that modern technology is main cause to made/make people less creative.
结尾段完全跑题
i personal/personally think that government should take some effective measure to correct it.government should advocate people to spend more time to take part in social activities,educate them how to rely on modern technology support and help to create more new ideas and new thoughts,make oldstyle entertainment combine with modern technology well,not only enrich people spiritual life,it also stimulate their creativity ability"