神马作文网求下文雅思评分.专业人士进,要提修改意见.马上考试了
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求下文雅思评分.专业人士进,要提修改意见.马上考试了
Argue:
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good menbers of society.Others,however,believe that shool is the palce to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.
In this day and age,parents pay great attention to children’s education.However,where a child should be taught to became a qualified social person is still on the debation.Someone claim that parents must shoulder the obligation to educate their children.Personally,I think their view has considerable merits.
It is undeniable that the family education plays the pivotal role in children’s lives.To start with,children tend to depend their parents on living.Thus the parents certainly become the most reliable persons to them,which means it is easier for children to accept what the parents teach to.Moreover,there is a long period before children go to school.In terms of children’s school education more efficient,well family education would be the fundation.Lastly,regardless of how professional the teachers in school are,parents must be more carefully to tend their baby rather than the techers do.
Admittedly,school education also is the important part to children.Firstly,a host of children study together could improve their ability in cooperation.The team spirit they learned undoutedly would gain some advantages in the future scoial life.Additionally,professional tutors can provide systematic education which is probabely more efficient than the family education.Even so,school would not replace the family ,where children lived from their birth.
In summary,I still belive family is not restrict to the first place children would be well-advised to be educated,but also is the prime factor which influent all the children’s life.Nevertheless,for the sake of maximum development,shool should became the essential supporter.
Argue:
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good menbers of society.Others,however,believe that shool is the palce to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.
In this day and age,parents pay great attention to children’s education.However,where a child should be taught to became a qualified social person is still on the debation.Someone claim that parents must shoulder the obligation to educate their children.Personally,I think their view has considerable merits.
It is undeniable that the family education plays the pivotal role in children’s lives.To start with,children tend to depend their parents on living.Thus the parents certainly become the most reliable persons to them,which means it is easier for children to accept what the parents teach to.Moreover,there is a long period before children go to school.In terms of children’s school education more efficient,well family education would be the fundation.Lastly,regardless of how professional the teachers in school are,parents must be more carefully to tend their baby rather than the techers do.
Admittedly,school education also is the important part to children.Firstly,a host of children study together could improve their ability in cooperation.The team spirit they learned undoutedly would gain some advantages in the future scoial life.Additionally,professional tutors can provide systematic education which is probabely more efficient than the family education.Even so,school would not replace the family ,where children lived from their birth.
In summary,I still belive family is not restrict to the first place children would be well-advised to be educated,but also is the prime factor which influent all the children’s life.Nevertheless,for the sake of maximum development,shool should became the essential supporter.
When children grow up, who should be the one to teach them to integrate into society. Parents or School? It is undoubtedly that nowadays parents pay great attention to children’s education. However, where a child should be taught to became a qualified social person/member is still on the debation. Someone claim that parents must shoulder the obligation to educate their children, while others argue that school is a good start. This essay/article is going to discuss who should teach children how to be the good members of society.
It is undeniable that the family education plays the pivotal/vital role in children’s lives. To start with, children tend to depend their parents on living. Thus the parents certainly become the most reliable persons to them, which means it is easier for children to accept and understand parents' 'social theory'. Moreover, there is a long period before children go to school. In terms of children’s school education to become more efficient, well family education would be the fundation. Lastly, regardless of how professional the teachers in school are, (parents must be more carefully to tend their baby rather than the techers do).没太明白这句话的意思
Admittedly, school education also is the important part to children. Firstly, （a host of）啥意思 children study together could improve their ability in cooperation/teamwork. The team spirit they learned undoutedly would gain some advantages in the future scoial life(说的有点乱）. Additionally, professional tutors can provide systematic education which is probabely more efficient/'academic'(我觉得要用叹号,起到强调作用,efficient有点不太符合你的意思) than the family education. Even so, school would not replace the family , where children lived from their birth.
In summary/ To sum up/ In conclusion, both views have considerable merits. Family should not restrict to the first place children would be well-advised to be educated, but also is the prime factor which influent all the children’s life. Nevertheless, for the sake of maximum development, shool should became the essential supporter.
话说,你单词用的真不赖,语法也不错,就是没特别大的新意.我真的很佩服你的单词量.不过说句实话,有些单词不需要用的太夸张,有点生硬,我上大学的时候也不断在看textbook,都没看过哪本书上用过pivotal,可能是我的专业跟这个词不太接触吧.很高级很高级.我也长见识了.
我记得我们老师说过,写文章,尤其考试的文章,阅卷老师批了大量的文章,每个人都这样一板一眼的写,很没新意,如果写出一篇跟其他文章不同的,分数就比较高.比如所有人都一上来就开始陈述,你先反问,就比较出彩.或者有那种叙述问,一上来就来个排比句,也比较出彩.
还有就是尽量少用第一人陈,第二人称.也不要太经常用think,常用consider啊, believe啊,我现在想不起来,你自己多找找这类词,这样的词.比较好.
还有就是你没写开头,你至少要写出,This essay/article is going to discuss who should teach children how to be good menbers of society.然后再接你的论点.
讲学校那里,我觉得应该写一下学校其实就是个小社会.
你写的真的不错,有的小论点不是很清楚,但非常强悍,比我考雅思的时候要好多了.没问题的
It is undeniable that the family education plays the pivotal/vital role in children’s lives. To start with, children tend to depend their parents on living. Thus the parents certainly become the most reliable persons to them, which means it is easier for children to accept and understand parents' 'social theory'. Moreover, there is a long period before children go to school. In terms of children’s school education to become more efficient, well family education would be the fundation. Lastly, regardless of how professional the teachers in school are, (parents must be more carefully to tend their baby rather than the techers do).没太明白这句话的意思
Admittedly, school education also is the important part to children. Firstly, （a host of）啥意思 children study together could improve their ability in cooperation/teamwork. The team spirit they learned undoutedly would gain some advantages in the future scoial life(说的有点乱）. Additionally, professional tutors can provide systematic education which is probabely more efficient/'academic'(我觉得要用叹号,起到强调作用,efficient有点不太符合你的意思) than the family education. Even so, school would not replace the family , where children lived from their birth.
In summary/ To sum up/ In conclusion, both views have considerable merits. Family should not restrict to the first place children would be well-advised to be educated, but also is the prime factor which influent all the children’s life. Nevertheless, for the sake of maximum development, shool should became the essential supporter.
话说,你单词用的真不赖,语法也不错,就是没特别大的新意.我真的很佩服你的单词量.不过说句实话,有些单词不需要用的太夸张,有点生硬,我上大学的时候也不断在看textbook,都没看过哪本书上用过pivotal,可能是我的专业跟这个词不太接触吧.很高级很高级.我也长见识了.
我记得我们老师说过,写文章,尤其考试的文章,阅卷老师批了大量的文章,每个人都这样一板一眼的写,很没新意,如果写出一篇跟其他文章不同的,分数就比较高.比如所有人都一上来就开始陈述,你先反问,就比较出彩.或者有那种叙述问,一上来就来个排比句,也比较出彩.
还有就是尽量少用第一人陈,第二人称.也不要太经常用think,常用consider啊, believe啊,我现在想不起来,你自己多找找这类词,这样的词.比较好.
还有就是你没写开头,你至少要写出,This essay/article is going to discuss who should teach children how to be good menbers of society.然后再接你的论点.
讲学校那里,我觉得应该写一下学校其实就是个小社会.
你写的真的不错,有的小论点不是很清楚,但非常强悍,比我考雅思的时候要好多了.没问题的