英语翻译It seems a long time I haven't written something yet ,as

英语翻译
It seems a long time I haven't written something yet ,as the weather turns cloudy and a little colder ,I suddenly have a strong awareness that I couldn't express in words actually ,and couldn't smooth my feeling as well ,so I just wanna write something casually instead of saying anything .Yesterday I almost hadn't fall asleep for all night long ,maybe just because a phone call before I went to bed ,or other case ……I've no idea about what made me feel so depressed ,maybe I have already lost so much which I haven't to value before ,and maybe all the beauty I haven't value will never be back for the punishment which I deserved ……
I spend much of my life doing the meaningless case ,waste my life to gain the less reward which is not as well as what I expected ,I have no directions ,I have no thoughts ,even I have no dream that I was dreaming all days in the past time .It seems all the passion and power have been killed by the fast elapsed time ,I haven't found the shadow of myself ,even lose faith for what I am doing and expecting ……
It's difficult to find someone who is really belong to me ,even happiness are always slip away when I try to grab it ,and by the time when I wanna give up something for sure ,I doubt if it was the right way to choose ,but I realize that maybe something were not yours at first ,you can only enjoy and value the days before ,but never be with that forever ,right
The sun has coming out instead of hiding by the cloud ,I like the sunny day ,I don't understand what I have written above actually ,and I don't know what I really want to tell ,just as the kind of releasing garbage which I use to spend time and my life ,you can consider as well .Now —— working time —— have no choice but to work immediately ……

我似乎很长时间没有下笔了,但随着天气转成多云又有点冷,我突然有一种无法用语言表达,也无法平缓我感受的强烈意识.所以我只想随便写点东西来代替说话.昨天,我几乎整晚没睡着,这可能是因为我上床前的一个电话,或者别的原因……我根本不知道是什么使我如此抑郁,大概是我失去了许多我还来不及计算价值的东西,并且所有那些我没有重视的美丽事物恐怕再也回不来了,而这是我该得到的惩罚……
我用生命的大部分时间做无意义的事,浪费自己的生命来获得比我预期小的回报.我没有方向,我没有想法,我甚至没有了那些我曾经整天幻想的梦想.貌似所有的动力和感情都已经被飞逝的时间抹杀了,我还没找到自己的影子,甚至对我正在做的和期望的事情失去了信心.
想找一个真正属于我的人太难,哪怕快乐也总是在我想抓住它时溜走.而当我真正想放弃某些东西时,我怀疑这是否是个正确的选择,却意识到恐怕有些东西一开始就不是你的.你只能享受和珍视从前,但无法永远与其相伴,对么?
太阳出来了,不再被云遮住.我喜欢晴天.我不明白我上面到底写了些什么,我也不知道我到底想表达什么,就像倾倒絮语一样,我用这来打发时间和生命的,你也可以这么认为.现在——工作时间了——我没别的选择只有马上开始工作.