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纠正这段英文是否有书面语法错误

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纠正这段英文是否有书面语法错误
When you feel hurt and your tears are going to drop,
please look up and have a look at the sky once belongs to you.
If the sky is still vast,clouds are still clear,you shall not cry,because something leave
doesn't take away the world that belongs to you
纠正这段英文是否有书面语法错误
很优美,基本没什么大错误.
第二句要注意加 'that',既然是 once(在次作曾经解),时态就要是过去时,应改为:have a look at the sky that once belonged to you.如果要保留现在时,应改为:have a look at the sky above you,意义变动不大,句子更简洁.
第三句用clear形容云似乎不妥,如果是clear(在此作清澈透明解)就没有云了 .建议去掉clouds are still clear 一句,并不影响全文.
第三句结尾楼上已经提到了.something leave 可改为 something's left,但第四句开头要改doesn't为won't.全句为:(just) because something's left won't take away the world that belongs to you.