求英文作文润色The advantage of studying abroadOur human technology

求英文作文润色
The advantage of studying abroad
Our human technology is connecting the world ,and make it smaller and smaller.people in china can have the meeting with their partner in the USA by the internet.it is said that the world will be a small village in the future.now,there are more and more students choosing their way to study abroad,meanwhile it is commonly believed that there is a lot of advantage of studying abroad .
First,young students go abroad to study can open their eyes.because,young students are more like to absorb the new concept and new idea,and those are a little different from our country's.so it is a great chance for them to learn the culture of other country,which can open their eyes.
Second ,to study abroad can help two country's communication.communication is a very important way for our human to solve the conflict between us,and to promote the friendship between us.learning English can help us to communicate with english-speaking country,similarly,learning other country's culture can help us to communicate with their people,furthermore,the communication between two countrys can be achieved only by the people of both country.
Third,we can learn the advantage of other country.in some fields,our country's technology is not the best,that is the reason why we should learn from other,the students can go to those country and learn this hi-tech which is our country lack of,after their finishing study,they can return and serve our country.
PS:young students go abroad to study can open their eyes这句话是否正确,应该用going 还是go

注：括弧内()的文字就是我润色的部分.我是一段一段的润色哦.
First,young students go abroad to study can open their eyes.because,young students are more like to absorb the new concept and new idea,and those are a little different from our country's.so it is a great chance for them to learn the culture of other country,which can open their eyes.
1.(Studying abroad definitely broadens your horizons.To most people,it is an enriching and eye-opening adventure.You will gain in-depth knowledge of another culture's customs,experience local culture and in the mean time improve your foreign language skills.)
Second ,to study abroad can help two country's communication.communication is a very important way for our human to solve the conflict between us,and to promote the friendship between us.learning English can help us to communicate with english-speaking country,similarly,learning other country's culture can help us to communicate with their people,furthermore,the communication between two countrys can be achieved only by the people of both country.
2.(Besides,a firsthand understanding of a foreign culture helps paving the way for mutual understanding and communication.Bonds of friendship among nations and the people can be created through the exchange of ideas and sharing of experience.)
Third,we can learn the advantage of other country.in some fields,our country's technology is not the best,that is the reason why we should learn from other,the students can go to those country and learn this hi-tech which is our country lack of,after their finishing study,they can return and serve our country.
3.(Last but not least,developing countries can be eventually technologically capable by participating in educational programs for technology transfer.Under such programs,students who go abroad to study are front-line pioneers to acquire advanced skills,knowledge,technologies,methods of manufacturing and facilities in their area of study.These students will be contributing their insight,expertise,knowledge and skills to the country of origin upon their return home.）
这个是我觉得你可以在第三段中加上的一个例子：
For example,some Indian graduates acquired valuable and transferable skills when their worked in Silicon Valley firms in the United States and went back to start their own firms bringing employment to the local people.)
PS:young students go abroad to study can open their eyes这句话是否正确,应该用going 还是go
Go正确,不过我会选择用一下这个句子来表达“学生出国留学以便增加见识”的意思：-
Students go abroad to study so that they can widen their horizons.
Students choose to study abroad because they want to widen their horizons.