神马作文网求大神帮我修改我的英语短文,字数200到250,不包括题目,急,
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：神马作文网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/11/10 12:27:26
求大神帮我修改我的英语短文,字数200到250,不包括题目,急,
主题是the impact of globalization on Chinese value
The Impact of Globalization on Chinese Food
When it occurs to the impact of globalization on Chinese value,the first thing that strikes me is McDonald,mostly because I am familiar with McDonald.Nowadays,the majority of people are worried about the Chinese foods.As a Chinese,we should struggle to protect the Chinese foods.
With the overwhelming tend of globalization,many different kinds of food from all over the world crowds into China,such as Japanese sushi,Korean cuisine,coffee,red wine,and so on.As is often the case,you can easily find a McDonald here and there.McDonald attracts many Chinese customers because of its convenient and simple.Having a look at the Chinese restaurant,we have to worry about its profit.There is almost no people.As a threat to Chinese fast food.these junk food is trying to change our eating habits.
As a matter of fact,these junk food,which looks absorbing and charming,does great harm to our health.Nearly most of them are fried.What's more,they may don't have the necessary nutritions we need for our bodies.What's worse,the majority of them contain large quantities of fat which makes it easier to gain weight.
In a word,we Chinese should try our best to protect Chinese foods.As cooks,we can modify the taste.As customers,we'd better balance our choices.
要修改逻辑错误,拼写错误,还有用词搭配,使得文章层次分明,增加一些长难句的使用,注重整体结构.
主题是the impact of globalization on Chinese value
The Impact of Globalization on Chinese Food
When it occurs to the impact of globalization on Chinese value,the first thing that strikes me is McDonald,mostly because I am familiar with McDonald.Nowadays,the majority of people are worried about the Chinese foods.As a Chinese,we should struggle to protect the Chinese foods.
With the overwhelming tend of globalization,many different kinds of food from all over the world crowds into China,such as Japanese sushi,Korean cuisine,coffee,red wine,and so on.As is often the case,you can easily find a McDonald here and there.McDonald attracts many Chinese customers because of its convenient and simple.Having a look at the Chinese restaurant,we have to worry about its profit.There is almost no people.As a threat to Chinese fast food.these junk food is trying to change our eating habits.
As a matter of fact,these junk food,which looks absorbing and charming,does great harm to our health.Nearly most of them are fried.What's more,they may don't have the necessary nutritions we need for our bodies.What's worse,the majority of them contain large quantities of fat which makes it easier to gain weight.
In a word,we Chinese should try our best to protect Chinese foods.As cooks,we can modify the taste.As customers,we'd better balance our choices.
要修改逻辑错误,拼写错误,还有用词搭配,使得文章层次分明,增加一些长难句的使用,注重整体结构.
主题是Chinese value还是Chinese food需要明确.如果是food,我觉得题目中应该用复数foods.
删"mostly because I am familiar with McDonald",因为文章中没有写到任何证据讲自己在熟悉度上是权威,而是在表述自己的看法.
the majority of people是想表达啥意思?worried可以用worring.
should struggle语气太强,显得武断.
为读起来舒服,罗列可以先说coffee和wine.
you can easily可以用one may easily.
because of 有点武断,可以说possibly because.
its convenient and simple应该是it is convenient and simple,或者its convenience and simplicity.
the Chinese restaurant改为Chinese restaurants.
we have to worry about看上去像在强制性地臆度别人的心思.可说I am always worried about.
There is almost no people.可跟上一句连起来写成since few people visit them.
Chinese food改为Chinese foods.
junk food暗含言语攻击之意,在没有依据的情况下,这样措辞不合适.我们无根据地说人家是垃圾,人家也可以说我们是垃圾.所谓以德服人,一上来就给敌人一个垃圾名字总是不容易让人服气的.
trying to change可以写成changing.
absorbing是要表达啥意思?
撇符号'尽量不用,比如What's more可以写Moreover.
the necessary nutritions we need for our bodies可以写necessary nutrition for human bodies.
上面的What's more可删,把这里的What's worse写成Moreover.
we Chinese可以写成Chinese people,因为你的文章不限定只给中国人看.
should try our best可写成may consider trying the best.
protect Chinese foods这个说法不太明确,字面意思是保护食物,给人感觉是说如果有人在抢你的食物你要保护好它,不然就没得吃了.可以说我们考虑更加努力发扬中国饮食文化,而不是保护.我们的饮食有好的方面,并不是怕竞争而要保护,个人觉得我们要做的是不要盲目认为外来的食物好.
说厨师modify(修正)味道好像有点怪,可以说添或改花样.Cooks can provide more tastes based on customs' preferences.
顾客平衡选择,用we'd better显得是在无根据地劝说读者做事,说服力欠佳.同时,讲Balancing our food choices其实是个两面的说法,一个本来就不喜欢西方饮食的人可以理解成是不是也要按时品尝一下垃圾食品比较好呢?是否用这些说法要看作者原本想怎么定位自己的中心思想.
拼写错几乎没有. 观点明确.逻辑不太清楚. 口气感觉像极端的民族保护主义者.
再问： 给的题目是Chinese value，但是我是从Chinese food方面来写的。求改好的文章。谢谢各位大神~~~
再答： 只能说这是个难题. 题目太大. 就像让介绍一下一个学校概况, 如果我们只从教师都出自名校来讲, 就有点太不全面. 中国价值是个啥意思呢?
再问： 所以只有选择一个角度入手来写了。我选的从美食方面。求给出改好的文章啊~~~
删"mostly because I am familiar with McDonald",因为文章中没有写到任何证据讲自己在熟悉度上是权威,而是在表述自己的看法.
the majority of people是想表达啥意思?worried可以用worring.
should struggle语气太强,显得武断.
为读起来舒服,罗列可以先说coffee和wine.
you can easily可以用one may easily.
because of 有点武断,可以说possibly because.
its convenient and simple应该是it is convenient and simple,或者its convenience and simplicity.
the Chinese restaurant改为Chinese restaurants.
we have to worry about看上去像在强制性地臆度别人的心思.可说I am always worried about.
There is almost no people.可跟上一句连起来写成since few people visit them.
Chinese food改为Chinese foods.
junk food暗含言语攻击之意,在没有依据的情况下,这样措辞不合适.我们无根据地说人家是垃圾,人家也可以说我们是垃圾.所谓以德服人,一上来就给敌人一个垃圾名字总是不容易让人服气的.
trying to change可以写成changing.
absorbing是要表达啥意思?
撇符号'尽量不用,比如What's more可以写Moreover.
the necessary nutritions we need for our bodies可以写necessary nutrition for human bodies.
上面的What's more可删,把这里的What's worse写成Moreover.
we Chinese可以写成Chinese people,因为你的文章不限定只给中国人看.
should try our best可写成may consider trying the best.
protect Chinese foods这个说法不太明确,字面意思是保护食物,给人感觉是说如果有人在抢你的食物你要保护好它,不然就没得吃了.可以说我们考虑更加努力发扬中国饮食文化,而不是保护.我们的饮食有好的方面,并不是怕竞争而要保护,个人觉得我们要做的是不要盲目认为外来的食物好.
说厨师modify(修正)味道好像有点怪,可以说添或改花样.Cooks can provide more tastes based on customs' preferences.
顾客平衡选择,用we'd better显得是在无根据地劝说读者做事,说服力欠佳.同时,讲Balancing our food choices其实是个两面的说法,一个本来就不喜欢西方饮食的人可以理解成是不是也要按时品尝一下垃圾食品比较好呢?是否用这些说法要看作者原本想怎么定位自己的中心思想.
拼写错几乎没有. 观点明确.逻辑不太清楚. 口气感觉像极端的民族保护主义者.
再问： 给的题目是Chinese value，但是我是从Chinese food方面来写的。求改好的文章。谢谢各位大神~~~
再答： 只能说这是个难题. 题目太大. 就像让介绍一下一个学校概况, 如果我们只从教师都出自名校来讲, 就有点太不全面. 中国价值是个啥意思呢?
再问： 所以只有选择一个角度入手来写了。我选的从美食方面。求给出改好的文章啊~~~